Chapter 4 - THE RECORDINGS DIDN’T STOP WITH THE POT
Hannah’s phone had been recording more than the incident with the boiling water.
Not intentionally at first.
Two weeks earlier, she had started using a voice memo during the day because she said she felt like she was “losing track of conversations.”
Now I understood why.
My mother constantly denied saying things.
Hannah would tell me:
“Your mom said I’m lazy.”
Mom would respond:
“I said she looks tired.”
Hannah:
“She told Sophie Mommy doesn’t know how to run a home.”
Mom:
“I was joking.”
Eventually, Hannah began recording because she needed to know she was not imagining the difference.
We listened together.
One clip:
My mother:
“You don’t need lunch yet. Finish the laundry first.”
Hannah:
“I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
Mom:
“Then work faster.”
Another:
“Matthew likes this house clean. He just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
Another:
“If you complain every time I ask you to do something, eventually he’ll see what living with you is really like.”
My skin went cold.
That was not help.
That was a campaign.
Then came the worst recording.
Sophie’s voice.
Small.
“Mommy’s crying.”
My mother:
“Then leave her alone. She cries when she wants attention.”
I turned off the phone.
Could not listen anymore.
Hannah whispered:
“She started saying things about me to Sophie.”
That crossed a different line.
My mother had not simply been mistreating my wife.
She had been teaching our daughter how to interpret her mother.
Weak.
Dramatic.
Lazy.
Unreliable.
Words become architecture inside a child.
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I was not allowing my daughter to grow up inside that house of meanings.
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